Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes we make big ones. If you are or have cheated on your partner or spouse and get busted, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. Here is what to do if you get caught cheating.
You’ve already been busted, lying further about it is just gaslighting your partner into doubting their own truth and is very abusive. If you are caught cheating, be honest about everything whether it was a one night stand or a long term affair. Answer all of your partner’s questions truthfully.
Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Take full responsibility for your cheating. Even if it wasn’t a physical affair, but an emotional one or one that took place over social media. Don’t minimize the damage you’ve done to your relationship. Owning up to your mistakes is always the first step towards fixing them.
Don’t Blame Your Partner
Even if there are issues in the relationship that involve your partner, it was you who made the decision to go outside of the relationship, not them. While it may seem like a way to get the heat off of you, after getting caught being unfaithful is definitely not the time to bring out the laundry list of things you find wrong with your partner or spouse. This moment is about what you did and the pain you caused them. You can be open about your feelings that lead up to your infidelity, but don’t put the blame on your partner for your actions.
If your partner caught you cheating by snooping or violating your privacy, it is NOT the time to bring that up. You may have had a moral leg to stand on if you weren’t a cheater, but you don’t. Your actions caused reasonable suspicion.
Be Open About The Reasons Why
Was it a momentary lapse in judgement? Were you feeling insecure and wanted attention? Without blaming your partner let them know what happened that caused the relationship to spiral out of control.
This should seem like a no brainer, but it is important to let your partner know you are sorry that you hurt them and damaged the relationship, not that you’re just sorry you got caught. Listen and validate all of their feelings regarding your actions. Acknowledge not only the emotional harm, but the physical danger you put your partner into by putting them at risk for STDs.
Give Your Partner Space To Be Angry With You
Your partner is likely to have a multitude of emotions once they find out you cheated on them. The best thing you can do is let them work them out. They might ask you for some space to process everything they are going through and you should let them have it. Pushing them to take you back or to pretend like things are totally fine will only build resentment and ruin any long term chances you have at salvaging your relationship.
Realize Trust Takes A While To Build Once Broken
Whether it happened one short, drunken night or over a long period of time, your cheating has seriously damaged your relationship. It isn’t something that can be fixed overnight or with a bouquet of flowers. Trust has been broken and it may take a while for your partner to trust you again, if they ever trust you again.
There is a very real possibility that after your indiscretion comes to light your relationship will be over. This is completely your partner’s right to decide that and you helped make that decision by being unfaithful. Respect your partners decision and if they chose to take you back, be accepting of their new boundaries and rules.
Couples counseling may be the best way for you two to work out the problems that lead up to the cheating and can help you navigate the murky waters of the after effects.
Don’t Cheat Ever Again
Again, another no brainer. If you find it too difficult to be faithful to your partner, it is time to end the relationship. If you respected them enough, you wouldn’t continually cheat.
There can be life after getting caught cheating, it may not be the life you wanted, but remember we all have to lie in the beds we made.
If you suspect your partner is cheating, you can get the answers you are looking for with an app that allows you to secretly track their text messages without them knowing. Infidelity hurts, but you can’t heal from it until it is brought into the light.